Category Archives: email marketing

Huzzah! A new ‘nobody scrolls’ has emerged from the digital universe.

Vector click here button concept

This blog is ironically named Nobody Scrolls in honour of the digital, ahem, gurus who used to bleat at us constantly that ‘nobody scrolls’ on websites or emails – despite massive evidence (and personal experience) to the contrary.

Now of course it’s recognised that we all scroll. So they’ve invented a new ‘rule’ to spout at every opportunity.

It’s “You must never say Click Here”.

Why? Because ‘it’s like writing Open Here on a door, so it’s unnecessary’. (I wish I were making this up!) You should use a phrase for the link that relates to what you’ll find at the end of it.

And because 60% of web users view it on a tablet, phone or other portable device so don’t actually click, they just touch and therefore it’s ‘wrong’ to say ‘click’ (as if the punter gives a monkey’s!).

This is all fine and dandy. Except it isn’t based on any evidence whatsoever. So it’s just more made-up ‘Expert Knowledge’ like ‘nobody scrolls’ was.

Wise marketeers and web designers who actually TEST the techniques they use on their sites and, especially on digital ads, know that using Click Here actually increases click through. (And of course, Buy Now and so on will work too.)

Again, this is a perfect example of how tried-and-tested techniques developed over millennia in print and broadcast media work just as well in the digital world. It’s simply because you’re giving the punter a clear and decisive Call To Action CTA).

Now there’s an important SEO element, of course, to links; and clearly Google will prefer a link that shows relevance to a search topic.

But if you just want the punter to move to the next level,  just ask her to do it.

 

How to tell your customers bad news. And how not to.

waitrosegrab

Received an email newsletter from Waitrose today. The subject line was: Free tea & coffee update. So far so good. But ‘update’? What an odd word? Hmmm….

In the body of the email they start blathering on in classic client-speak…“Just in the same way as a friend might offer a hot drink when you visit their home, we think it’s what a caring business should do when a loyal customer shops with us”.

Ignoring the gobbledook grammar (“Just in the same way”???), this kind of nonsense immediately switches on the reader’s radar…oh, hello, there’s some bad news on its way, isn’t there….

They then give me “a short guide” about “free tea and coffee etiquette”. This is a three stage process, apparently. Get a My Waitrose card, shop with us, get free tea, swipe card.

Yes, that’s what you do. Get on with it. What the hell has this got to do with etiquette?

But of course, the answer is absolutely nothing.

The poor agency writer has been asked to write an email with bad news and has tried to dress it up as friendly good news. (And I sense the heavy hand of a nervous client here.) The hapless wordsmith has been asked to hide the bad news under a blanket of fluffy, meaningless nonsense.

And, yep, here it comes…

Turns out, from Feb 9th, you can no longer get free tea in the caff unless you buy something else ‘such as a sandwich, cake, biscuit or piece of fruit. This change will enable us to continue to offer our customers the enjoyable service they expect’.

No it won’t. It’s got nothing to do with giving customers enjoyable service. If it had, they wouldn’t have stopped it.

I imagine the real reason is that their cafes are losing business because the customers claim their free teas and coffees and sit there drinking it to the exclusion of other customers, and without buying anything in the shop.

So they decide to serve up this contrived, patronising pile of drivel to the customers they purport to value so highly (see para 2).

Why not be honest, instead? We’re grown ups. We know there’s a recession on.

Why not explain that, unfortunately, trading conditions have changed and we won’t be able to offer free teas and coffees in the cafe anymore. But, hey, good news, you can still get one while you’re doing your weekly shop.

And most importantly of all, why not say We’re Sorry.

Apologise. Easy.

I might believe they really do care about their customers, then. This email actually made me a little angry. I thought the John Lewis organisation was better than this. They are treating me like an imbecile, not a customer.

But for so many companies, as Elton John said, sorry seems to be the hardest word.